The Power of Gratitude

I fell short of this with my son although he too knows he is happiest when doing something productive with his own hands….as do my ever-planning, ever-doing daughters.

To labor is to have purpose and to know that life is work and so something one aspires to rather than escapes from. Our Modern Service Economy has created a vast charade that things can be gotten for nothing. Livin for the Weekend is a serious pursuit. As a result, more and more people will continue to be found standing around with less and less….under an accumulating pile of rubbish, physical and mental.

Humans evolved their stunning cognitive abilities through a balance of doing and thinking. Today, in this vaunted yet essentially vapid “information Age, we do less of both and so it should come as no surprise that the downward curve will be far steeper and entirely more destructive. Not that this must be so but it seems to be the desired…… or shall we say defacto for its relativist surrender…….trend of most. Neo-Gnosticism…if this is indeed what is at work…. shall have it’s own factory of destruction , seeking a utopia we forgot we had already when we thought life a destination to grasp in perfection. Artificial Intelligence shall found its shining city on a hill and call it Artificial Existence. Everything will be perfect but there will be nothing there.

We do the 10% rule for charitable donations as well. We also require 10% for savings. I keep telling my oldest she will thank me when she has money for a car when she turns 16.

As for charity, we let the kids pick their own charity to donate their money to. We have them make their donations once per year, usually around Christmas time. We also encourage them to not just send a check but to actually purchase something for the charity. This way they get to still have the fun of shopping with their money and it seems to send an effective message that giving can be an enjoyable experience. Both of them love animals so they usually call one of our local animal shelters and ask what they need and then go purchase it from the pet store.

As a parent of a 14 and 10 year old, I can honestly say that one of the best feelings I ever get is looking out the window to discover my daughters have stopped playing soccer in the backyard and are eating cherry tomatoes right off the vine. These are the same tomatoes that they helped plant 2 months prior.

I am not a perfect father by a long shot but I DO feel like I am doing at least one thing right by getting my girls involved with growing some of our own food. My dad passed it on to me and my hope is that they will become third generation gardeners when they get older.

* P.S. We have a 3 year-old yellow lab that also steals tomatoes right off the plant as well. He eats 3 or 4 per day once they start to come in. Beefsteak seem to be his favorite.

Mark,

We faced the same challenges when our children were growing up regarding gratitude for what we have as well as generosity towards those who are less fortunate. It’s a struggle because of the constant saturation from ads, social climbing acquaintances (not to mention their parents!) and the homogenization of income within each suburban development.

Although the ‘burbs can be less than ideal for encouraging independence; work always needs to be done in a yard or house. Pets also need feeding, grooming and cleaning up after. Even a young child can do chores around the home with supervision.

This is where most of us trip up. It is often easier to do the work ourselves than to work with and supervise a child…especially if we work and want our own “downtime” at home. However, the time lost watching TV, reading or blogging is worth the time spend with one’s children.

An allowance is also helpful. Part of it should be “just because money” the remainder should be based on chores completed. Teaching the child to put 10% of the “gross total” in a family bank, to be used for a family charity project helps to impress upon him/her the necessity of “giving back” to others. Another 10% of the “net total” should be placed in a bank (controlled by Dad/Mom to be transferred to a savings account) This helps to delay gratification and impart patience. Doing this also teaches basic accounting, charitable giving and math…at a child’s level….or if you prefer..”bookkeeping, generosity and arithmetic”…all valuable skills.

Vices are easy to acquire. Virtues are slowly acquired from an early age. They build upon the lessons learned from prior “victories” of doing the right thing vs. giving into the wrong behavior.

Psst!…Your friend needs to take immediate and forceful action to rectify the situation in his home with his soon-to-be adult offspring! (I would suggest a complete cessation of credit card and vehicle privileges, gasoline money and unlimited food, laundry, etc). It is almost too late for this young man! ….JMHO

(Hellooo … Jr.! Most “jobs” “suck” !!! That’s why Mummy and Daddy are paying for you to acquire the skills for a “career” or “profession” !!!)

If work is the basis for gratitude (and to a certain extent peace) is it my fault that I have not demonstrated this enough to them for them to see the reward for work. When I come home tired and play with them instead of mowing the yard (or filling in the ditch in my yard that has been there for 20 months) am I really hurting them or not? They are both to young to help with the ditch though I do get my daughter (almost 3 years old) to help in the garden every day that we have time and weather to do this.

I especially wonder what I take for granted myself and do not truly appreciate. Last night our electricity went out for about 2.5 hours during a storm (in suburbia). I never really noticed the A/C until it was gone. I think appreciation sometimes comes from having something and then not having it. I know that work normally provides this as there are always some failures from work that everyone would like to do over (Like me and my stupid corn worms or smart ones as the case may be). I think adversity creates appreciation more than work.

Having said that I am sure that each person and situation is unique to them. What motivates one child does nothing for the next.

Our story is not one of particular lapses… in fact, I’ve noticed many of my friends complaining about the same sorts of things… we clean only when company’s coming. We find ourselves avoiding real cooking, settling more often than we like for something processed and convenient, etc.

All this is to say that there might be quite enough work around us, even in the suburbs, if we were to take the real work of household management, oikonomia, with its due gravity. What if we managed our homes well, clearing clutter, discerning things we like from things we need, practicing everyday virtues of stewardship. If there’s still not enough to do, grow a garden.

I’ve realized that, if it will have any effect, I’ve got to lead by example. Children don’t respond well to a list of chores they have to do while parents, oh, I don’t know, blog. But my daughters happily (mostly) join me in the work of the house, if there’s a sense that something really needs doing and we can do it together.

So great (or at least tortured young parental) minds think alike. Thanks again.

“O Lord that lends me life, lend me a heart replete with thankfullness.”

It is with this attitude that Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday for the message it is meant to convey.