Or else just fork it, because here’s what a once august (In Deo Speramus), now clueless, institution is up to:

Brown University is set to hold an event on Thursday aimed at teaching its male students how to find sexual pleasure from their prostates. The workshop, entitled “The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure,” will be conducted by sexologist Charlie Glickman and promises to show attendees “how much fun prostate stimulation can be.”

It gets funner:

Brown also hosted a “Fornication 101” seminar … which included topics such as “putting condoms on with your mouth,” “petting kitties,” and “anal adventures.”

The funding? “The events are part of Brown University’s annual sex week, paid for by the student activities office.”

Here’s the good news. At last we have a real reason to use all the permitted educational jargon: life-long learning, high-impact strategies, best practices, skills and dispositions, student-centered outcomes, assassment.

If we are at a crux in education, perhaps chiasmus is called for:

Teaching students to flog publicly more,
Which, erstwhile, we publicly flogged them for.

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Jason Peters
Jason Peters professes English at Augustana College in Rock Island, Illinois, where he teaches courses in Milton, the Catholic novel, Environmental literature, British Romanticism, and American literature prior to 1900.  While in Illinois he pines for the mysterious and musical tea-colored trout streams of his native Michigan, whither he is trying to repatriate full-time in order to raise cattle and chickens, make beer, and scourge the follies of higher ed.  (Read an attempt here.) His work has appeared in such places as the ­Sewanee Review, the South Atlantic Quarterly, English Language Notes, Explicator, American Notes and Queries, Christianity and Literature, Orion, First Principles, University Bookman, and the Journal of Religion and Society. He is also the editor of Wendell Berry: Life and Work (University Press of Kentucky 2007), Land! The Case for an Agrarian Economy, by John Crowe Ransom (University Press of Notre Dame, 2017), and co-editor of Localism in the Mass Age: A Front Porch Republic Manifesto (FPR Books, 2018). Currently he is building a fly rod and juggling just enough writing projects to prevent his completing any of them: an account of his repatriation efforts (tentatively titled Dispatches from Dumb-Ass Acres, by a Dumb Ass), another book on Wendell Berry, another on food (tentatively titled The Culinary Plagiarist: (Mis)Adventures of a Thieving Gourmand), and yet another on that neglected genius, Owen Barfield. He has tried to break life-long debilitating addictions to basketball and golf but has been woefully unsuccessful. Peters visits Rock Island on school days but otherwise lives in Williamston, Michigan, with his longsuffering wife, their three children, and his two arthritic knees.


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