Mom’s Baylor green and Dad’s burnt-orange UT shirts are gone from her room now. They’ve been replaced by shirts of a different color, since our oldest grandchild Grace has announced she is going to Auburn this fall. Like my wife says: “it feels like they just brought her home, where did the 18 years go?” The grandkids used to fight to hold their grandmother Coco’s hand; now they don’t. But you hope and know they will again.
Moms and dads know the feeling when a child first goes off to school. It’s the end of the happy chaos of raising children. But grandparents know that feeling too. Grandparents feel it in a double way, having lived through the “first leaving,” that time when their own children, those now-grieving moms and dads, went away to school. Now they ache for both their child and their grandchild, as each must learn to navigate a new life.
What will this new life look like? My wife and I both left our hometowns for college, never to live again in the places where we grew up. Our three girls went away for college also. Two of the three now make their lives outside of Central Texas. And now we wonder where our Grace will end up. So do her parents and siblings. Her youngest brother even remarks that in three years he will be an only child, and that he is not looking forward to living without his older brother and sister in the same house.
The cycles of life are funny. When we are born, we are known as our parents’ son or daughter. Then, as we age, our parents become known as that child’s mom or dad. And so it goes, until we become known as so-and-so’s grandmother or grandfather, CoCo or Mo’. Later, those kids we watched grow for 18 years start anew as “our Red Raider” or “our War Eagle.” The relationship changes and grows. And we love them through it all.
People ask, “why Auburn?” First, Grace made up her mind early on that she wanted to leave Texas and explore somewhere far away from her first home. For her the town of Auburn is just the right size, centered on the university, with friendly people. It has outstanding academics and a wonderful nursing school which will help her realize her plans to become a nurse (like her grandmother Coco). The truth is that Auburn is fortunate to have her.
As I was writing this, we were all celebrating America’s 250th birthday at our place in New York. Right now our country is having a debate about its future. One vision speaks of the “warmth” of collectivism. They are not talking about the weather. They are pulling for a bigger government to take care of the “ people.” But the thing about collectivism is you never have to say thank you.
Another vision of the future is about place and tradition. As Mother Teresa of Calcutta explains it, one can and should love the “people” in the abstract, but the proper order of love emphasizes care for family, kin and connection. Showing concern for those you can touch through personal action is far better for the soul than channeling your tax dollars through some government bureau. I know which vision I hope will have prevailed when it’s time to celebrate America’s 300th birthday.
Grace: we pray you remain strong in the faith that has been a rock for us all. We hope you will thank your mom and dad who have made this a reality for you. And may you always remember the three h’s. First, be humble – even though we know you will accomplish great things and make us proud. Second, keep a sense of humor and laugh through the hard things, like the guy you thought was perfect but was really sneakin’ to the beacon without you, or (even worse) turned out to be a Beto O’Rourke supporter. Third, learn history. Remember where you’re from – your “place” – and what a great country you live in.
Finally, remember to call your folks and Coco collect on the landline some Sunday nights when rates are low.
Image Credit: Norman Rockwell, Grandfather Painting Granddaughter
