Tiger, Tiger


Yeah, everybody knows the Blake poem, and a few idiots have tried to apply it to Tiger Woods–a couple of them even to coax him back to love and favor.  As Walter Matthau said in “Grumpy Old Men,”  “Holy Moly!”

We have here a very talented athlete, and a complete creep.  I write this because he has apparently agreed to give a statement to “the media” on his own terms, and Arnold Palmer might even be at his side, Palmer a notorious partier but such a nice guy that nobody would tell on him.  Don’t do it, Arnie, don’t take yourself down to Tiger’s den.

Given the state of our sports culture, Tiger could probably come back to almost universal acclaim, with even the decent guy Mike Tirico standing up for him.  But he’s a jerk, and somebody all of us should tell our children to shun, avoid, never, ever admire.

That, of course, is said in a spirit of anger.  But what would bring Tiger back?  Does anybody think he would go to confession?  I mean, heck, Bill Clinton still thinks he has the moral upper hand on Ken Starr.


  1. I don’t know which is worse, the imbroglios of our various Lotharios and Lothariettes or the Grand Parade of Apology and Public Flogging that accompanies the sordid affairs that are really nobody’s business. As to the sanctity of our various “role models”…cripes , he’s a talented athlete , so what?

    What these events demonstrate is that our frustrated culture loves high dudgeon and tearing celebrities down to size, and then watching them wallow. When these media rebukes occur, everyone can watch and cluck cluck like a flock of hen-pecking chickens and imagine that this culture still possesses some kind of moral standard at a societal level.

    Will he or won’t he recover? Will the tender hearts of our children be forever scarred by some indiscriminate jock cavorting with bimbos?

    Oh No….Sex lurks everywhere in the darkness

    Really , who gives a pushed slice?

  2. I seldom strongly react against anything written by one of the main contributors at the Porch, but this is an exception.

    We have here a very talented athlete, and a complete creep who did creepy things habitually over a long period of time. He has expressed contrition. It is above my pay grade to say that his contrition is a sham and that he will keep on doing creepy things, albeit more discreetly.

    That said, we do exhibit far too much adulation for jocks, stars and starlets, and then far too much consternation when they fall.

  3. I take this to be a remarkably uncharitable view of Tiger and the press conference. I, for one, would be hesitant to suggest that any particular person is beyond redemption and forgiveness. But I have more to say, so will put it in a post.

  4. I take this to be a remarkably uncharitable view of Jason Peters and his parody of Blake’s masterpiece. I, for one, would be hesitant to suggest that any particular person, even Peters!, is an idiot. I don’t have anything more to say, so I will now go away.

  5. You know, I was really pretty sure that if there were responses, they would emphasize my “uncharitable view” (if that means “unloving” I completely agree) of Tiger rather than his deeds. The messenger is always the bad guy. What do you propose, folks, simply ignoring the disgusting acts of a man who has gone to considerable lengths to set himself up as the icon of the age, with something you want to call “charity?” And then blame me for pointing out that his actions, not my words, call him a creep? May I remind you that I have several granddaughters who learned before the age of ten what oral sex is, because of the President of these here United States? Communities in the past almost always had sumptuary laws and other kinds of moral legislation precisely because of the effect that certain kinds of behavior had on the families without which the community would not exist. To say that whatever Tiger or Bill or anybody else of great fame does in his “private life” 1) does not matter, 2) is none of our business, or 3) is uncharitable to criticize is simply the post-modern form of destructive relativism.

    Jeffrey, did I say that he, or anyone else, is beyond redemption and/or forgiveness? I will really look forward to your defense of the press conference.

  6. Another jock who thought the rules didn’t apply to him, indeed – as I believe he said in his press conference.

    Had he not done that conference “on his own terms” (1. apologize; 2. leave), the press, who are far more responsible than Tiger or the sexual sociopath Clinton for your granddaughters’ lamentable early introduction to the idea of fellatio, would have been asking a lot of salacious questions that would have made things even worse.

    What he did was creepy, as I already said. It’s another matter to call him a creep. That’s where you crossed the line, IMHO. You don’t have to say that to avoid “ignoring” his acts if you feel compelled to join the adulators or consternators.

    Perhaps that’s too easy for me to say because I never put any particular trust in him or any other jock. Maybe you did, and it’s your sense of betrayal speaking.

  7. I dunno, John, but because of your blog here, every time I see Tiger I think of those sinners, all crippled up, or foul smelling with their guts rotting from some weird std, sitting on the side of the road waiting for the Christ to come along and heal them.
    But, not to worry, if Tiger gets some strain of aides, syphillis, or the clap found only in a San Francisco bathhouse he doesn’t need to worry because we have the world’s finest healthcare system…oh, nevermind!
    BTW, Tiger’s wife is my hero although she should have shot him rather than work his lying arse over with a driver! I wonder if Tiger gave that poor girl some sexually transmitted disease?

  8. Willson,
    As far as my crackpot views are concerned, you can have at Tiger all you want. My impatience with the breathless affair has to do with it coinciding with a report recently published that included a listing of the highest paid State Employees in Connecticut. The fact that the state, like others is seriously in the Red only compounds the problem. The highest of course, is coach Calhoun, a great basketball coach, the second highest was another Connecticut Coach and the third as I recall, was a Doctor of Dermatology at the State Medical Center. Needless to say, skin diseases are never as good a spectator sport as Basketball or Football and one might be on thin ice assigning skill in medicine as fundamentally greater than skill in sports strategy but the supposition remains that we elevate our sports stars to ridiculous heights, generally give them a free pass in both academia and life at large while then wondering why their narcissism gets a tad overwrought. It is getting to the point where everything we do has a kind of sports spectacle atmosphere, with one distinction, nobody ever seems to win…nor, for that matter tie.

    Then again, nothing falls quicker than a sports star who cannot deliver. Would that our politicians or Corporate Directors were held to the same standard.

  9. Bennett: Would you put your trust in a musician? A minister? A novelist? A CEO? Or is it just jocks you don’t trust?

    Sabin: I have a heart-surgeon cousin who at some points in his life has made about $3 mill a year. I’ve always said to him that it makes him just a little less valuable than a second-string shortstop. Are there any “rap artists” from Connecticut? I bet they make more than Mr. Calhoun.

    Cheeks: My wife was really rooting for Elin to connect with that nine iron.

    I still look forward to Jeffrey’s defense of Tiger’s press conference.

  10. Jocks seem particularly apt to think the rules don’t apply to them. Rock musicians typically are too openly transgressive to elicit trust. Beyond that, who I would or wouldn’t put my trust in isn’t especially relevant to my objection to dismissing Woods, or any human being, as “a complete creep.”

  11. Really Roger, “any human being?” And yes, your dismissive attitude toward jocks is as offensive to some of us who have spent a lifetime trying to be good ones as you think my “creep” designation is to one who betrays the trust. And, just to take the discussion out of contemporary terms, would you say that Nero was a creep? How about Machiavelli? Aaron Burr? Not one human being? I think that Tiger is probably a nicer guy than Bob Dylan, but designation is as action does.

  12. Yup. Any human being. Prodigal sons. Thieves on crosses. Persecutors of the Church. Errant bloggers. Millionaire petty thieves.

    “Particularly apt to think the rules don’t apply” hardly equates to categorical dismissiveness. It strikes me a gimlet-eyed honesty, if a bit stereotypical.

    I live in a major university town. A promising athlete, who will someday be in his sport’s Hall of Fame, retained me on an emergency basis for legal services. I “pulled an all-nighter for him” – the first of my life, including college. I had to sue him for my fee, though his pro contract was paying him millions. And when he returned to town, he stole a penny jar from a local bar. I confirmed my recollection of that with the bar owner a few months ago.

    That sort of thing is too common. Creepy behavior of The Adulated who take adulation uncritically.

    On the other hand, I am in Church with a man who played on a State Champion high school team. He has built a strong business. My hometown is full of prominent businesses built by guys who learned teamwork through sports. They’ve played by the rules.

    If you want to fault me for “jock” instead of “athlete,” you may have a point, though [rationale deleted]. If you have striven to be a good athlete, and have followed the rules, bully for you.

    Judging Nero, Maciavelli and Aaron Burr are above my pay grade.

    It will take a very strong provocation to post further on this issue, on which I hope my position is now clear.

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