Quite a bit, actually. From the venerable news source The Onion:

In a new report released Wednesday by the Pew Research center, Americans indicated that when it comes to what they expect from their country, all they really want is to be safe, happy, rich, comfortable, and entertained at absolutely all times.

In addition, the U.S. populace reportedly wondered whether it was too much to ask that they always be healthy, fulfilled, successful, safe, loved, relaxed, inspired, motivated, worry-free, and content every second of their lives from birth until death “given that this is America, after all.”


Moreover, Americans reportedly felt that they should have the luxury of an iPad, smartphone, and Bluetooth technology at all times, along with freedom from living in a tech-obsessed society.

Still more:

The report concluded that when all was said and done, Americans would still be “pretty much set” if all they ever got was aggressive countermeasures to global warming, low taxes or no taxes, free parking, no-strings-attached sex, matching 401k retirement plans, quick and easy weight loss, everything that was already mentioned in this article, and above all else, no handouts.

This is America after all. See the entire article here.

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  1. Chevalier, the Onion is America’s finest news source. What makes you think it’s fake or even moderately humorous?

  2. News flash: Author Francis Schaeffer scoops The Onion by more than 40 years! By 1970 he was analyzing the then called Silent Majority, and this is the *parents* of the Boomers, today’s older generation, and to him a minority of the Silent Majority were Christians or had a Christian memory. The majority of the Silent Majority, he said, had two values; affluence and personal peace. These trump morality on the one hand and “expressive freedom” on the other. A couple therefore has a right to live as a homosexual couple in your neighborhood, and marry, but not to paint their house lavender.

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